Oh man, I'm in a bad mood.
My friend Errin coined the phrase "Hanrgy" when you're anry because you're hungry. That is exactly what I am. I have no one to blame but myself. We have plenty of food here- fruits, veggies, chicken, nuts, etc. But all I want it a big fat hunk of cheese wrapped in ham rolled in salt.
I think this is one of the worst parts of the whole thing. I'm sure one day I won't crave salty stuff, but that day is not today. I've always been a salt person. I couldn't care less about sweets, but salt is so wonderfully luscious.
I must confess, I wasn't that good about counting my sodium yesterday. My sweet friends Rosa and Jennifer brought lunch over, and while it was definately low sodium, I didn't count how much it was, so later on that day, I kind of just said forget it and didn't count anymore. Then we went over to Jillian's house, and she made a great low sodium dinner, but there was this awesome rosemary olive oil bread and I couldn't help myself-I had two big slices- which was way too much sodium.
I did feel like I was retaining some fluid this morning, so I took a diuretic pill to get rid of that. I know the doc gave them to me for times like this, but I feel like I've failed because I had to take a pill one stinkin week after leaving the hospital. What kind of person does that?
And then today I was so good about watching the sodium and then tonight I had a piece of bread with mayo and swiss cheese. And you know what? It was tasty. And it wasn't that bad in sodium, but I still feel guilty. I've counted every bite I've eaten today and I'm under where I need to be and I STILL feel guilty. And now I feel dumb for feeling guilty. This is ridicuous.
Anyway, I've eaten dinner and I'm not hungry anymore but I'm still in a bad mood. I think it's just really hard to think of any of this stuff as "forever". I can do anything for awhile (even rotten diets) but forever? I just wish I was one of those people that naturally liked all this healthy crap. ha ha.
The other lousy thing is I can't have too much water. There's no exact limit, but I'm not supposed to have a bunch because any of the salt I do have makes me retain the water, and it can back up around my heart. And I really really like water! Geez people, what else do you want to take away?
And everyone has been so sweet to make all this low sodium food and buy me all these snacks and stuff, and I just wish I didn't even have to have this stupid conversation. It's just not fair. But in the grand scheme of things, it is so silly to even be griping about anything. It's just salt for pete's sake.
I should just probably just go to bed and start over tomorrow.
Thanks for listening (reading?) my gripe-fest. I promise I'll be more chipper tomorrow.
Goodnight all- I love you,
Jana
Rosa Roberge I'm not sure if this will make you feel better, but... I really think your salt cravings will eventually go away. We get accustomed to how much salt we eat. Don't measure your success by the first weeks or months. I really think it is going to be much harder at first and easier as time goes on. It will become a way of life, and someday you will enjoy other non-salty foods just as much. Ok, so you probably want to say STHU and give me some salt! :) I hear you! Anyway - people LOVE cooking what other people enjoy and your preference (not by choice ;) is unsalty food :). You don't have to be chipper tomorrow. Be whatever you want and your friends will all support you! :)
Jana Farrill Morrelli Oh Rosa, you're so sweet. : ) I'm sure you're right that the cravings will ease up. Actually, most of the time, it's no big deal at all, so I'm sure it's not that much of a stretch. And it's good to know I have such good, supportive friends, even when I'm grouchy. : )
Meghann Chapman I'm sorry Jana, I am a salt-addict myself, so I know you must be going through torture! I'll try to look for you some tasty recipes that are low sodium.. cheer up and get well :)
Sandy Farrill Wish I could cook you up something. Try planning a few meals in advance so you have something interesting each day. Otherwise you will fall back on the same old things and get bored. I can get bored real fast on the low carb diet if I don't plan ahead. Get out that cookbook I got you!
Michelle Gonzalez McMullen I am familiar with that feeling. It took Ken a couple of months into our relationship to be able to spot it coming on. Then instead of getting annoyed he would ask if I wanted a snack. Kind on nice until I caught on that "Do you want a snack?" was code for you are being a @!%&! Hang in there girl!
Jana Farrill Morrelli Michelle- LOL, Nick does the same thing with me! : )
Allison McNabb Hyland Jana, its ok to slip up..you are only human and have gone thru a major life-changing event... adjustment can take time. Please forgive yourself when this happens (sounds like your doctor already has cause he gave you extra pills for times like these). It sounds like all and all, you are doing an INCREDIBLE job grabbing this bull by the horns--you ... See Morehave so many things to be proud of. Its ok not to always get it right...and be tired...and weak....and angry....it's not fair that this happened to you. You will learn from these things and carry it forward, making you stronger as you move toward your goals. Your heart is in the right spot. Your heart is beautiful!!! Tomorrow is a new day. I love you and support you, and hang in there! Give yourself the BIG HUG you deserve. XOXOXOX
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